


Unstoppable Force

by purplehevsuit (purpleplanet)



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: (oh my god they were roommates), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Benrey Lives, Drug Addiction, HLVRAI, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Roommates, Tags to be added as fic progresses, Trans Gordon Freeman, deals with dark themes but is overall lighthearted, descriptions of canon-typical violence, hlvrai isn't that deep but what if it was, single dad gordon freeman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25478080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleplanet/pseuds/purplehevsuit
Summary: Before everything goes to hell, Gordon has a conversation with Benrey that makes him start to think differently about his circumstances.Then, when all is said and done, he has to go back to life in the "real world", but finds that he still carries a lot of the Black Mesa incident with him, tracked it home like mud on his shoes, and now has to navigate his life, in all the ways it is both so much the same and so very different.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 145





	1. Cavia Porcellus

Benrey hadn’t been with the group in a while, not that Gordon was worried about him or anything, but when he’d finally split off from the rest of the science team to try and cover more ground while looking for the next nearest exit, he stumbled upon him almost immediately.

The security guard sat nonchalantly, his legs dangling off a crate that was surely filled with some kind of hazardous material, if every other item he’d seen in the last few days was any indicator.

“Hey.” 

“Great,” Gordon huffed, “You’re here.” 

“You, uh, you shouldn’t be back here,” Benrey said, as if he hadn’t even heard Gordon’s comment. 

“What? Because I don’t have my passport?” 

“So you admit it.”

Gordon sputtered. “Admit-- I’ve been admitting it! I’ve never denied it! I just don’t want you getting in my way!” 

“I don’t think they want you to be here.” His flat tone grated on Gordon’s nerves. The same conversation they seemed to be having every five minutes, and now he was trying to invoke his higher-ups as if that made any difference.

He gestured with his hands exasperatedly. “I’m only here because I’m trying to survive! Maybe this is slightly above my pay grade, maybe I didn’t bring my fucking passport, but I think they’d want me to do what I had to do so I didn’t actually die.”

“Then why’d they put you in the line of fire, bro?” 

“Huh?”

“You were all up in that thing. The test thing. Face right up in it. Why?”

“That was my job.” He crossed his arms, feeling suddenly defensive.

Benrey clicked his tongue dismissively. “Yeah your job is to be right up near the thing so whatever happens to it happens to you?”

“I-- they needed me to--” he tried to explain before being cut off.

“They were using you like a guinea pig, huh? Guinea Pigman. Oink.”

“Guinea pigs don’t--” he stopped himself short, assuming his clarification would fall on deaf ears. He could be a pedantic nerd at the best of times, but that didn't win friends an it sure as hell didn't get him anywhere with the immovable object that was Benrey.

“I thought you were a, uhh, PhD big brain boy, huh?” 

“I- I am, I went to MIT--”

“And you were really putting that to use huh? Push one thing into another thing.” he pantomimed the push where he sat, and Gordon scowled back at him, unamused. “I could do that. You could-- put the thing on wheels or whatever and then no one has to do it.” 

“What, so you think they wanted something to go wrong? So it’d-- affect me or whatever. They gave me the suit to protect me, so--” 

“Yeah, the suit with all the trackers. They chipped you, bro. Like a dog.” 

Gordon ducked his head at that, unable to keep eye contact. He could feel his face heating up with embarrassment. He’d been feeling stupid enough for not realizing that the suit had been housing trackers, and he didn’t need it dredged back up like this. Didn’t need to be compared to a damn dog.

Benrey kept speaking, seemingly unbothered. “I’m just sayin' it’s fucked up. Did they even tell you, uh, what you were doing? Or did you just go along for the physics smart boy content?” 

He exhaled, trying to calm down and steady himself. “They kept me in the dark for a lot of it, but that’s-- it’s fine, it’s normal. Everything was on a need to know basis. I’m just-- I’m just a guy, I’m normal. They wouldn’t want anything from me.”

“Bro, they fuck with everybody. You saw the Bubby prototypes. You saw the Coomer clones. Everybody.” 

He swallowed hard, finding his voice suddenly failing him. Even when he spoke again it came out quieter and more cautious than he’d wanted. “...They didn’t do anything to Tommy.”

“HA.” A sharp laugh escaped Benrey so quickly it startled him. “You don’t even know _what_ the fuck Tommy's deal is.” 

He shifted uncomfortably, considering what kind of things could have been to poor Tommy. The kid-- well actually he was nearly a decade older than him-- didn’t deserve that. He shivered just coming up with possibilities in his own head. He decided to change the subject slightly, turning back to Benrey. “Did they do anything to you?” 

He was quiet for a few seconds, before he hesitantly spoke up again: “...they would if they could."

Gordon was curious now, despite himself, he could curse his science-oriented brain for latching on to any excuse to investigate something he didn’t understand. He pressed on. “You call it the Black Mesa sweet voice. You-- if you’re not from here... Why is it named after them?”

Benrey shrugged. “Bunch of-- bunch of dumb baby idiots. Think they get to name things just for seeing them. Thinking they’re fucking Chris Columbus discovering it.” 

“So what’s it really called?” 

“Huh?” 

“Is there another name for it?”

“Not everything-- not everything has words for things. Sometimes things are just things. Why're you asking so many questions, bro? This is-- you’re distracting me. You shouldn’t be back here. I know you’re just here to steal stuff.” His tone seemed to rise in alarm.

Gordon relented. “Alright I’ll drop it. We gotta keep moving anyway.” 

“Or you could just stop.”

“I can’t stop. Look, I _know_ this is all fucked up, I _know_ there’s mysterious shit going down, but we still have to get out of here. And then we leave all that behind.”

Benrey broke eye contact again, his voice barely above a mumble. “...Yeah just-- just don’t be all upset when the things that have to happen end up happening, okay? Don’t cry about it like a pissbaby when you get there. Cuz I tried to stop you. I was being nice.”

He sighed loudly. “Yeah, yeah you were being nice.” 

“You should have just gone home and got your passport.” 

He actually thought about it-- what would have happened if he had just turned around and walked out that morning. How he knew the test was risky but rationalized to himself that anything worth doing would be, and that the people who hired him, whoever they were, must know what they were doing. How he wanted to feel useful, and smart, and proud of himself for being the one to do it. How he’d showed up late, like always, because he woke up with another headache, and was bad enough at keeping a schedule on his own, and a thousand other excuses, and being rushed made him nervous and eager to please, to comply. How he saw the goddamn computers explode and figured it wasn’t any of his business. How he fucked up, how he might have brought on the end of the world. How it all could have been avoided.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think you might be right.” 

Benrey looked him up and down, seemingly as surprised by the agreement as Gordon was to say it. He waved a hand as if to dismiss the entire conversation. Clean it out of the air like shaking an Etch-A-Sketch. “Whatever. It’s whatever. Some things have to happen. Just-- you can stop. You know? So more things don’t happen.”

“I really can’t--”

He was interrupted by the sound of Bubby yelling from the next hallway. “Gordon, come on, I want to go home!”

Coomer’s voice followed soon after, “Gordon, we’ve found a path! We’ve got to get a move on if we’re going to reach the Lambda Lab!”

“Yeah, I’m coming!” He called back, already making his way towards the doorway. He turned back to Benrey. “Are you coming along?”

“Yeah, I have to follow you.” His expression was back to being vacant, his voice back to being emotionless.

As he turned around to walk, Gordon could hear him muttering to himself under his breath, sounding almost annoyed: _“...has to happen.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cavia porcellus is the scientific name for guinea pigs.  
> I have never played Half-Life, this is just based on HLVRAI sorry if I get lore wrong.  
> I'm on tumblr @purplehevsuit  
> Hope you enjoy the fic


	2. Afterparty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time Skip

When Gordon left the Chuck E. Cheese, tired and still aching (even if it was nice to know that his friends were alright), he found his own car in the parking lot. The beat up minivan sat there like it belonged, and he tried not to think so hard about how it got there. By some unholy miracle, it managed to only be the second most out of place thing in front of him.

Because standing next to it was Benrey. 

When he approached, Benrey looked almost embarrassed, his hand raised as if he had been trying the handles on the car door, or at least considering it.

“I thought you died.” Gordon piped up, in lieu of a greeting.

“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” 

“Honestly? I would. After what you put me through, I really would like if you just stayed dead for once.”

“Wow. Harsh.” 

He rolled his eyes. “What are you doing here?” 

“I need to, uh, follow you.” 

“We’re not in Black Mesa anymore. And if that place isn’t fully destroyed, I’m quitting. So it’s over. You don’t need to follow me anywhere.”

“Yeah, I-- Yeah? I need to? So let me go with you?” His hand migrated back towards the handle.

He squinted at him. “Benrey are you-- are you asking if I’ll take you home with me?” 

“No. But yeah, please?” 

Gordon truly couldn't believe it. “No. No, absolutely not.” 

“Wha-- come on!”

“No! Go to your own home!”

“That was my home.” Gordon quickly surmised that he meant that planet he’d been transported to. “And you wrecked the place and closed the way back.” 

A twinge of guilt hit him, but he countered regardless. “You were attacking us.”

The look on Benrey’s face was somewhere between exasperation and hurt. “You were attacking _me!_ I told you it had to happen! I _told_ you. You don’t listen.” 

He desperately tried to hold to his resolve. “You cannot come home with me.”

“Fine, guess I’ll sleep on some bench somewhere…” He hung his head, mumbling to himself as he finally stepped away from the car.

Gordon got into the driver’s seat and sighed loudly. He couldn’t believe it, but he was actually feeling bad for Benrey. If he really left him with nowhere to go, well, that was kind of on him, wasn’t it? And wouldn’t it technically be worse if he was just… released into the world? He dropped his head down onto the steering wheel and screwed his eyes shut. He knew himself well enough to acknowledge that he was only trying to justify it because he already knew what he was going to do.

He leaned over and opened the passenger side door.

“Hey. Get in the car.” 

“Whuh?”

“Look, I’m only taking you with me because I don’t think I can get the HEV suit off on my own.” It was true on some level. He’d never taken it off outside of a designated area for doing so, and never without assistance. It wasn’t exactly designed to come off easily for the wearer.

“Why would they make it so that--” He cut himself off as a half-smirk of sinister recognition spread across his face. “Oh. Right. Don’t want puppy slipping his own collar off.” 

He scowled. “Get in the damn car before I change my mind.” 

“Alright, alright. You’re so mean. I call shotgun.” 

He scrambled into the seat he claimed, his movements awkward. The desperation was evident, he sat down like the thing might disappear from under him, fully aware that Gordon could go back on the deal at any time, drop him off somewhere and drive off without looking back. But still, he managed to give off an energy of not caring, perpetually resigned to both the inevitability and the chaos of everything that happened around him.

Gordon gave him a quick once over, weighing exactly how bad of a mistake he just made. He reached over then, grabbed Benrey’s seat belt from where it hung, yanked it into place, buckling it for him. He figured doing it himself would be less likely to result in a pointless argument. He didn’t have the energy for a back and forth and certainly didn’t have the mental stability to hear Benrey talk about how he couldn’t die.

Benrey stared at the strap but said nothing, and Gordon silently thanked God for that. 

Most of the car ride passed similarly, quiet save for the rumble of road and muffled music from the radio, playing something on the local classic rock station that neither was particularly paying attention to. 

Gordon was too exhausted for a conversation, and didn’t know what to say otherwise. And Benrey seemed, for once in his life, acutely aware that he could very easily fuck things up, and kept his mouth shut, occupying himself instead by watching streetlights melt into streaks as they drove past them.

Eventually a series of correct turns made unfamiliar roads bleed into familiar ones, and Gordon was at his apartment building sooner than he had even expected. 

He parked his car and stepped out and then gestured for Benrey to follow him, realizing as he did so that it may be the very first time he welcomed Benrey trailing behind him.

It was late enough at night that no one was wandering around to catch a glimpse of him. He realized that he must look ridiculous-- wearing the company suit, disheveled and exhausted, a goddamn minigun strapped to him where his right arm would have been.

The elevator ride passed as silently as the car ride. He fumbled for keys, unbelievably grateful that he’d carried them on him, and shoving the door open, practically collapsing through the doorway and into his home. 

Benrey stepped in shortly after, nudging the door closed behind him with his foot. He caught sight of him looking around, most likely judging the place. It wasn’t the most glamorous, but it, like the car, was acquired primarily on the basis of affordability and practicality. The place was somewhat messy, the occasional papers strewn around from various work-related projects, and a handful of knick-knacks collected over the years that he displayed haphazardly. 

He waited for Benrey to make some snarky comment about how small and shitty the place was, but the first thing he said was: 

“Where’s the kid?” 

“Huh?” 

“Baby from the locker.” 

Recognition hit him. “Oh! Joshua!” Then it froze over, defensiveness creeping back into his tone. “Why do you care? I thought you said he ‘looked a bit shit.’” 

“Yeah, ‘cuz he looks so much like you.”

Despite himself, his expression softened. “...You really think he looks like me?”

“Yeah. And it’s a shame ‘cuz all the stuff that’s not you is real cute.” 

He sensed that somewhere buried in Benrey’s way of talking was something resembling a complement and clung to it, opting for the truth. “It’s not one of my weeks with him.” 

Benrey seemed to run this over in his mind, before his eyes widened and it was as if a lightbulb would appear right over his head like a cartoon. “Gordon Freeman epic divorce,” he deadpanned.

“ _Why_ would you word it like that?” 

“Does that mean you’re single?”

Gordon balked. “What the fuck-- why the hell is that any of your business?” 

He shrugged. “If I’m gonna be your roommate now I deserve to know whether you’re gonna constantly be bringing some lady friend over.” 

He grimaced slightly, conceding. “I hate that that’s almost technically fair. No, I’m not seeing anyone right now.” 

“Pog.” 

He bit the inside of his lip to choke back a guttural noise of exasperation. “Can you _please_ just help me out of the suit?” 

“Yeah sure…" he trailed off, "How do you do it?”

“You-- you don’t know?” 

“Why did you think I would?” 

“I thought all the security guards were trained in case of an emergency.”

“Do you, uh, still think I’m a real security guard?” 

He stared at Benrey, who simply blinked back at him, his face as unreadable as always.

He sighed, trying to calm himself and explain. “Look, I’ve never done it myself before, and I don’t know how--”

“You got your dick out of it just fine.”

“That was just my pa--”

“Yeah. Gross, dude.” 

Desperation tugged just slightly at his voice. “Benrey. Come on. I’m asking for your help. Can you please just do this one thing for me?” The end of the question came out closer to a whine.

“Turn around.” 

He was startled by the sudden command, and wasn’t sure if it was given to help him, but he figured it wasn’t worth the effort to fight and obeyed, squatting slightly to make his upper back more within Benrey’s reach.

Benrey examined the back of the suit, working on the assumption that if one wasn’t meant to take it off themselves, the mechanism to do so would be somewhere that the wearer couldn’t easily reach. After a few short moments of staring, he managed to pry open one of the panels on the back of it.

Gordon could feel him working, but couldn’t tell quite what he was doing. He was caught off guard by the sudden click noise and the feeling of the pieces of the suit finally separating from each other. 

It was like breathing for the first time after being underwater, and the sensation of finally being free overwhelmed him to the point of his crumbling, nearly being driven to his knees. He practically crawled out of the suit, leaving it lying on his floor. He could have fully lost himself in the moment of bliss, until he was rudely snapped out of it by the sound of Benrey speaking up from behind him.

“You were wearing a tie under there?” 

“I thought the test would be a success… and we’d want to celebrate… and I wanted to look nice for it…” His speech was slowed by deep, almost gasping, breaths as he stood up again and assessed what other parts of himself needed to be immediately addressed.. 

“Nerd.” 

“I know I am.” In a fluid motion, he ripped the ponytail holder out of his hair roughly, not caring as it snapped in his hand. He let out a breathy laugh as his hair fell around his shoulders, an obvious crimp left in it from being tied back for too long. 

He looked down at his arms and cringed slightly.

On impulse, he tugged at the gun attached to him, sick of the feeling of being a weapon, and found that it detached with little resistance. The area that had been covered by it had sealed by then, and seemed healthy enough, save for some scarring. Whatever was in that “potion” must have done a good job. He dropped it next to the discarded suit for now.

He turned back to Benrey, gesturing limply.

“Couch is yours. It folds out.”

“I don’t need to sleep.”

“Even better.” 

And with that, he trudged into his own room, shutting the door tightly behind him. He got undressed, starting with the tie, taking a brief moment to stare at it in his hands and feel like an idiot. Then, the rest came off to a point where he was comfortable, barely caring as he was practically falling asleep where he stood. 

He fell onto his bed, the full force of gravity dragging him downwards. He could have just cried at the feeling of softness, of the relief of not having to sleep on the floor, of not having to wake up in the middle of the night on the lookout for any creatures wandering in. It was good to feel safe for once. He grabbed one of his pillows and hugged it to his chest while he relaxed and drifted off, slipping into sleep. He reveled in the comfort and simplicity of breathing.


End file.
